Who says that Halloween has to be the only holiday we associate with horror movies? Sure, it may be the spookiest month, but there’s enough pent up bloodthirst all year round, and baby, we gotta get it out from New Years to Christmas. The flexibility of horror is why it’s such a fun genre to tackle, and we’ve seen in the past that if there’s a holiday, someone can get brutally murdered during it. St. Patrick’s Day, Thanksgiving, hell, even Independence Day, truly there is no holiday where you are safe from some sicko trying to ruin the fun.

Valentine’s Day is no different, and it honestly kinda makes sense. It’s a holiday often filled with unrequited feelings that can boil to a breaking point that just makes you want to cut someone’s head off. Not talking from personal experience, if my wife happens to be watching this. From the obvious like My Bloody Valentine and simply Valentine, to the somewhat adjacent Bride of Chucky and The Loved Ones, it’s clear that romance and murder is a match made in heaven.

And now we have Heart Eyes throwing its creepy custom gas mask into the ring of holiday horror movies. The film centers around a masked killer the emerges every Valentine’s Day to kill unsuspecting couples just trying to feel the love in the air. This year Ally, a struggling pitch designer, is unintentionally thrown into a meet cute with fellow designer Jay, and one kiss is all it takes for the Heart Eyes Killer to set his bright red sights on these two love birds in denial.

Sounds pretty basic and predictable? Yeah, that’s because it is. For slashers to work for me in this modern era post Scream and Cabin in the Woods, the film needs to be bolstered by a few things; mainly it’s setup, its writing and its kills. Unfortunately, Heart Eyes only succeeds on occasion, hardly ever throwing me for a loop or gushing with enough personality to truly stand out in my eyes. It does have some fun deaths and occasionally the writing got a laugh out of me, but come on. We’ve seen this song and dance before, and it wasn’t exactly executed well enough to make me want to see it again.

Take our two MCs, Ally and Jay, played respectively by Oliva Holt and Mason Gooding. Both are no strangers to the slasher genre, with Holt appearing in 2023’s Totally Killer and Gooding appearing in both of the latest Scream films. I think each of them do an okay enough job, but for a film that kinda needs to revolve around the romantic chemistry of its leads, I honestly wasn’t feeling the connection. Their dynamic is pulled right out of a million Hallmark movies; a busybody girl who has given up on the idea of love, and the hot prince of a man that’s going to turn it all around for her. Truth be told, I don’t have a problem with this kind of setup if it’s going to play against expectations. And the film kinda does this at first, as the two constantly have to shout at the Heart Eyes Killer that they aren’t in love as if that’s going to stop him from hunting and killing them. Their budding romance is very predictable, and I honestly think it would have been funnier if it didn’t happen at all. Like, the whole reason the killer is following them is because they kissed in order to make her ex jealous, and I think it could have been funny to actually make them hate each other. The film could have started out with the possibility of them being together, but then it all gets dashed as soon as the knives come out. Then you could have had a few wacky setups of them trying to show how much they aren’t in love, like trying to screw each other over when the killer is after them, only realizing later they need to band together to stay alive. It could have been a bit of an anti-Valentines film with this as well, but I get them wanting to make this a holiday classic that couples could throw on every year. 

As we know from horror films, if there’s love, or lust in the air, stabbing and maiming is sure to follow shortly. The brutality in the film wasn’t as consistent as I would have liked, but when it hits, it hits pretty satisfyingly. The film opens with a newly engaged couple getting murdered, with the bride-to-be getting squished in a vat until she’s reduced into a crimson barrel of blood wine. It’s disgusting and funny and it really revs you up for more kills like that…and then the movie kinda just stops doing them. Yeah, the film segues really quickly into romantic comedy territory, which goes on for so long that you might actually forget you’re watching a horror movie. I get it’s there to develop the lead’s relationship, but I still feel like more could have been sprinkled in to let us know a killer is still out there. We hear about Heart Eyes’ next few kills on the news, but I think we could have afforded to see these murders played out, even if only for brief moments. But luckily the back half of the film is mostly a chase that happens all in one night, which means we get to see a lot more gory kills. Heads roll and skin holes get made, and these scenes are definitely the highlight of the film.

As for the comedy, I found it to be pretty hit or miss. There’s some great lines and deliveries here, but not everything lands. The film isn’t bogged down by copious amounts of irony like you might expect from a genre that’s really run its course, but even still, I kinda wish it was a bit more clever in how it presented the main relationship. Again, I just think it would’ve been more funny if they hated each other. The funniest moments in the film are usually involving the two of them arguing, so can you blame me for wanting to see more of that? Maybe it could have gone more out there, crafting a world that felt like an artificially peppy Hallmark movie that the two leads could have contrasted against, almost revolting against a world that is trying to drive them together, and now they’re gonna get killed for it. 

Despite me thinking this film is just fine, I still see the potential in this to entertain audiences. It delivers on more holiday themed horror that many seem to enjoy, with a twisted cupid ripping the hearts out of as many lovers as he can. The leads are charming, even if their chemistry didn’t always work for me, and the kills are a bloody good time that I just wish we got to see more of. It’s not going to rejuvenate the slasher genre or make you view the holiday through a different lens, but I wouldn’t call it a slog if you’re looking to have a decent, short watch with your boo and/or bae. Alright, what’s the next holiday to get a horror movie? I’m thinking Arbor Day; trees come to life and start killing us as revenge for deforestation? Wait, I think M. Night already did that one.

RATING

BLEEDING HEART

Valentine’s Day: great for some, terrible for others. Alcohol is a bit similar, but whether you’re enjoying the holiday with your significant other or rolling solo, you deserve a great drink. This drink is a bit of a cross between a blackberry whiskey sour and a Last Word, stabbing you in the mouth upfront with bright, tart fruit flavors, followed by a nice lingering of botanical notes. Whether the pain you’re experiencing this Valentine’s Day is from love or a masked killer, you certainly can’t go wrong with this drink.

INGREDIENTS

• 2oz gin
• 1/2oz Chambord (or other blackberry liqueur)
• 1/4oz Maraschino liqueur
• 3/4oz lemon juice
• Dash of grenadine
• 1 egg white
• Dusting: Strawberry powder
• Tool: Heart stencil

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Add all ingredients to a shaker and shake without ice for about 20 seconds.
2. Add ice and shake to chill.
3. Strain into a chilled coup glass.
4. Using a heart stencil, dust the strawberry powder on top of the cocktail to make a heart shaped design.